


Tender and Sweet

by LeeBarnett



Series: Niche Hell [1]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: (but its actually requited lol), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bad Communication, Biting, Blood, Casual Sex, Dom/sub Undertones, Double Penetration, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Problems, Emotions™, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, N I C H E H E L L, Panic Attacks, Piercings, Rough Sex, Scratching, Size Differences, Swearing, Threesome, Trans Character, Unrealistic Sex, Vaginal Sex, Villains, burn scars, crying bc intense sex, hatefucking, hookup with Feelings, human!peter, human!quain, mild foot injury, misuse of lube bottles probably, nemeses - Freeform, peter is probably...breaking so many owca rules fucking his nemesis and another villain, that turns into lovemaking, unrequited pining, villain!quain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 23:48:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13111125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeBarnett/pseuds/LeeBarnett
Summary: Dipshit Mistakes Anxiety Over Being Loved For Hating His Fuck Buddies, Everyone Feels Weird Post Fuck As A Result





	Tender and Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks??? to papaya for bringing up this absolutely cursed joke that spiraled into my newest niche obsession that no one else is going to care about but like 3 people r i p also thanks papaya for betaing this shitstorm of a fic and for that absolutely Stellar summary
> 
> Also just because this is...so fucking niche and only 3 ppl are probably going to read this without being completely blind as to who these characters are just an fyi
> 
> Quain Petit is Brainy's real name, like Miggs Ortega is Professor Mystery's and Peter Orso is Peter the Panda's. Brainy and Mystery are villains, and Panda is Mystery's nemesis assigned by OWCA. Brainy and Mystery are occasional collaborators and vaguely coworkers in the villain field. Panda and Mystery also work together at the college like most of my AUs, and are friends outside of being nemeses. Brainy works in a bar called Papa's that Panda is a patron of.

Brainy hates the way Panda touches him. It feels too reminiscent of low lighting in Papa’s, of a curling smile and the taste of apple ale, gentle fingers on the back of his neck drawing him in. He  _ hates  _ it. 

“Hurry up,” he snaps over his shoulder, earning a glare from glass-green eyes. 

“Unless you’d like another hospital trip, shut up,” Mystery growls, mask pushed up on his head like a beanie, just a couple curls peeking out over his furrowed brow. He slides a second finger into Brainy’s ass anyway, making him grit his teeth against a moan. He’s using plenty of lube, Panda had insisted, but the stretch is still a lot, Mystery’s fingers far larger than Brainy’s own. Brainy digs his own digits into Panda’s shoulders, burying his face in Panda’s naked chest. He’s feeling a little helpless and exposed, Panda on his back in Mystery’s bed with Brainy straddling his hips, and Mystery kneeling between Panda’s spread legs behind Brainy. Panda’s dick, poking out his open fly, rubs against Brainy’s clit every time he moves, and he wants to rut against it, but if he does that, Mystery won’t be able to finger him open as fast, and he wants them both inside so  _ bad.  _

So instead he pushes back against the fingers in his ass, gasping at the slight burn. Panda pets at Brainy’s sides, gentle and trying to soothe, and Brainy bites at his pec in retaliation, teeth digging into Panda until he grunts a little in pain. Brainy’s forced to let go when he gasps as Mystery pushes in a third finger. It’s a lot, oh, it’s  _ so much, _ and a warbling little noise breaks from the back of Brainy’s throat before he chokes it off. 

“Taking it better than I thought you were going to,” Mystery mumbles, almost to himself, squeezing at Brainy’s hip with the hand not currently stretching him open. 

“Fuck you,” Brainy growls, and he can practically feel Mystery smirking at him. 

“That’s the plan,” he says, twisting his wrist and making Brainy gasp as he pushes all the way to his knuckles. It hurts despite the abundant lube, and Panda growls quietly under him. “Oh, come on, it’s not even that bad,” Mystery complains, but draws back until the stretch is just uncomfortable, slowly working Brainy open. 

Brainy tries to keep his breathing steady and unbothered as Mystery slowly twists his wrist, a small sound escaping Brainy when Mystery reaches down with his other hand to wrap his fingers around Panda’s cock, rubbing him against Brainy’s clit. Panda makes a soft, appreciative noise, and it sounds too much like soft lips and plastic creaking in his hands, so Brainy drags his fingers down Panda’s front, blunt nails scratching and digging into him. The bandages over his bad hand catch and rasp through Panda’s body hair, and Brainy snarls when Panda puts a hand over his bandaged fingers. He yanks his hand out of Panda’s hold to sit up some and brace himself on Panda’s stomach instead, pushing back against Mystery’s fingers. 

“Eager,” Mystery’s tone is amused, and he curls his fingers inside Brainy, twisting his wrist so Brainy feels absurdly like he’s dangling off a hook by his rim. Mystery pulls until Brainy whimpers in pain through gritted teeth, lifting his hips to instinctively try to alleviate the sharp burn of being stretched in such a way. He feels Mystery giving Panda a few leisurely strokes beneath him, lining the head of Panda’s cock with Brainy’s entrance. 

Brainy’s breathing catches and he squirms a little, trying to bear down on the head of Panda’s dick as Mystery rubs it over him, spreading his natural slick around and dragging through the lube that’s dripped down from Mystery’s fingers in his ass. Brainy’s arms tremble a little where they’re braced on Panda’s stomach, elbows wobbling as he tries to keep his expression vaguely irritated instead of stupid and desperate. Panda’s hands come up to support him, and Brainy lets him because Panda pretends he’s just thumbing at the piercing through his left nipple, playing with the ring and making Brainy twitch. 

“G-give it to me, you fucking--” Brainy snaps after Mystery spends a good thirty seconds just rubbing the head of Panda’s dick against his clit. Mystery laughs, lilting and dark, and he tugs a little harder on the rim of Brainy’s asshole, making him gasp. Panda growls a little under Brainy, and it’s slightly shaky, testament to Panda’s own strained patience at the relentless tease. 

“Fine,” Mystery sighs, sounding far too disappointed for someone who’s about to double penetrate a coworker with his nemesis. He lines Panda’s cock up with Brainy’s hole again, pulling his fingers out of his ass so his hips drop. Brainy bites his lip at the feel of himself gaping and open, pushing down against Panda’s dick. 

Panda snaps his fingers a couple times to get Mystery’s attention over Brainy’s shoulder. 

Mystery props his chin in the crook of Brainy’s neck, digging into his flesh a little. “Yeah?” 

Brainy struggles to pull his attention away from where Mystery has shuffled forward to start sliding his dick up the crack of Brainy’s ass, smearing through the wet mess there and catching on his stretched rim. He lifts his head with hazy eyes and a bitten lip to see Panda frowning at Mystery and holding up his hand to make an  _ L _ . 

“He’s literally dripping with lube, Peter,” Mystery complains. “I spent ages opening him up like you wanted, come  _ on _ .” Brainy’s thighs quiver around Panda’s broad hips, rocking his own pelvis to try to push onto either of the dicks rubbing against him. Panda gives Mystery an unimpressed look, the finger, and then makes the improvised shorthand sign for  _ lube _ again. 

Mystery sighs and leans away to fish around in his rumpled bed sheets for the bottle, leaving Brainy swallowing a whine at being left bereft of Mystery’s body against his back. Panda twists the ring through his nipple with a couple fingers and Brainy pretends not to notice until it almost hurts, a small hiss escaping him before he feels Mystery pressing the lube bottle against his ass. 

“What are you d-do-- _ oo _ -ing!” Brainy gasps in shock as Mystery squeezes the bottle, squirting cold lube against Brainy’s hole and some inside of him. “Fu-f-fucker!” Brainy snarls as his hips automatically buck away from it, trembling a little as Mystery pulls the bottle away again. 

“Hey, Peter’s the one who thought we needed more lube,” Mystery says innocently, grabbing Brainy’s hips to pull him back down. Brainy tries to think of something smart to say back, but he’s distracted by Mystery yanking him down onto Panda’s dick. He cries out, good hand coming up to bite on to muffle any more stupid sounds as the head of Panda’s cock pops inside and the rest of him slides along after, down to the thick root. 

Panda moans under him, deep and rumbling, hands squeezing where he’s holding Brainy up from falling over. It’s a futile gesture though, especially when Mystery grabs the back of Brainy’s neck. 

“Bend over,” Mystery says, and it’s not a request, shoving Brainy down against Panda’s chest like he’s a rag doll. Brainy clenches helplessly around Panda’s cock at the rough treatment, breath coming hot and fast through his nose as he bites harder on his hand. Panda’s palms slide around Brainy’s back, petting at him and stroking his hair. Brainy lets go of his hand to bite Panda instead, scratching at him for good measure until Panda’s grip gets a little tense. 

“Relax,” Mystery says instead of a warning, and then he’s pushing inside Brainy as well. 

Brainy drags in a shocked, shaky breath and a broken little keen escapes him as Mystery pushes forward relentlessly, stretching him further. 

“G-God--!  _ Fuck! _ ” Brainy chokes, back arching and scrambling for purchase on Panda’s torso, fingernails and bandages catching on skin and hair. It’s a lot, it’s  _ a lot _ , Panda and Mystery are easily two or three times Brainy’s weight apiece, and it’s usually a stretch just to take  _ one  _ of them. 

Both of them trying to slide into him at the same time is almost too much, and he feels like all the organs in his body are being shoved up to crush his lungs. 

Mystery gets about halfway in before he suddenly stops, and Brainy dazedly wonders why before he realizes Panda’s reached around to grab Mystery’s hip. 

“P-Peter,” Mystery says, and it’s probably supposed to be a protest, but it just sounds like a plea. Brainy shudders helplessly as Panda rumbles under him again, and Brainy moans as Panda grabs his hip as well to lift him up off his cock some. Brainy whimpers at the relieved pressure, trembling under their hands as Mystery pulls out to slowly push back in some and then withdraw again. 

“F-fuck me!” Brainy gasps against Panda’s chest, his insides twisting and aching, not only because he’s trying to take two dicks at once but because they’re being so  _ considerate _ about it. 

“I’m trying,” Mystery whines, grabbing at Brainy’s other hip and his shoulder, trying to cant his hips forward roughly, but Panda growls and Brainy can feel him tense to hold Mystery in that steady, careful easing, in and out, carefully stretching Brainy to take them both without pain. 

Brainy hates it. 

He tries to shove back onto Mystery’s dick, but Panda just squeezes his hip and holds him still, guiding Mystery carefully. Brainy can hear Mystery whimpering, as helpless as Brainy when it comes to Panda manhandling him. Mystery breathes Panda’s name, desperate and reverent, and Brainy clenches his teeth against the same sort of sound trying to escape him. 

Mystery moans softly as he comes to be fully buried inside Brainy, and the stretch is a lot, bordering on too much, but it’s also  _ so good.  _ For a second there’s nothing but the sound of harsh breathing, Panda’s chest rising and falling the steadiest under Brainy’s warped cheek. Then Panda slowly lifts his hips to push back inside of Brainy, gradual and gentle, and Brainy tries to force himself back onto Panda’s dick, but the grip on his hips is like iron and he doesn’t even budge. His legs tremble helplessly, tiny mewls of sound escaping him as he pants and drools and bites at Panda’s chest. He’s so full, he’s  _ so full, _ he’d expected it to be a lot, for it to hurt, but he hadn’t expected  _ this _ . 

“Fuck me,” Brainy tries to demand, but it comes out a whine, and he bites down on the meat of his good hand so hard he tastes a little bit of blood. Panda hums noncommittally, finally coming to a stop, fully sheathed inside Brainy once again. 

“Oh, God,” Brainy slurs, pulling his hand out of his mouth to hit Panda in the chest with one fist, thudding against him. “Move!” he snarls, one leg jumping as they just  _ sit  _ there, each of them shoved deep inside Brainy, creating a spider-spun line of tense intimacy that's rapidly thickening. 

“Please,” Mystery says, and it’s broken, almost a sob, fingers digging into Brainy’s skin hard enough to bruise. His hips rock against him, and Brainy shudders at the shift he can feel in his lower gut, Panda and Mystery rubbing together inside of him. Peter groans and apparently loosens his grip on Mystery, since he pulls out about halfway before plunging back in, hard enough that Brainy cries out at the jolt, Mystery’s thrust forcing him off Panda’s dick a ways before Mystery pulling out drags him back on. Brainy keens helplessly, fingers trying to knot in Panda’s chest hair, tugging roughly as the pace starts to be something he can handle more easily, selfish and rough. Brainy buries his teeth in Panda’s flesh as Mystery fucks him, breath loud and wet behind him as Panda starts to pant beneath his prone form. Brainy’s own breathing is ragged, dragged in through his nose, teeth still digging into Panda, definitely leaving a bruise in the soft flesh of his chest. Panda moans and cups the back of Brainy’s head briefly, tender and gentle, and Brainy pretends the tears starting to prick at the corners of his eyes are from Mystery’s increasingly rough thrusts. He has to let go of the bite to cry out when Mystery tightens his grip on Brainy’s shoulder to slam him back onto his cock, hard and merciless. 

“Fuck,  _ fuck,”  _ Mystery gasps, nails biting into Brainy’s skin as he hauls him back and forth, making Brainy choke with pain a little when he shoves them both back in to the base at once. 

Peter growls beneath them, the hand in Brainy’s hair vanishing and Mystery’s brutal pace coming to a sudden halt, rooted in him. 

“Don’t  _ stop-- _ !” Brainy wails before he can swallow it, and he hides his face against Peter’s chest, biting his fingers and palm to muffle any more pathetic begging. 

Panda moans and Mystery starts to move again, but it’s a slow roll and push, guided by Panda’s hand back on Mystery’s hip. Brainy wheezes for breath a little, squirming, trying to incite them faster, harder, anything but this gentle push and pull as Mystery clings to him like it’s all that's keeping him tethered to the earth and Panda gently rubs his thumb over Brainy’s iliac crest. 

“P-please,” Brainy gasps, catching a little on a sob, struggling to not get overwhelmed by the wet, slow pump between his legs that feels  _ so good,  _ that doesn’t hurt at all. “Harder--! Ple-e-ease!” His breathing hitches as Mystery slumps forward to press up against Brainy’s back, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Mystery’s arms slide around Brainy to touch Panda, one hand grabbing at Panda’s shoulder now as the other finds where Panda’s hand is on Brainy’s hip. 

“Peter,” Mystery whimpers, needy and breathless in Brainy’s ear, breath stuttering as he grinds against Brainy’s ass. “God.  _ Brainy.” _ It’s broken and thick, Mystery’s face wet against his shoulder and he can’t tell if it’s sweat or tears. 

“Please,” Brainy cries, kicking one leg and pounding his fist against Panda’s chest in protest, trying to make them  _ fuck  _ him instead of this slow, gentle grinding. 

Panda makes a mumbling shushing sort of noise, and Brainy shudders at the feel of Panda pressing a kiss to the top of his hair. Brainy shudders and he’s crying, tears flecking the inside of his lenses as he shakes his head. “Please, please,  _ please _ ,” and every plea is more broken than the last until he’s just rolling and grinding his hips with the slow, careful movements Panda’s enforcing, the three of them moving together in a slick slide and push. 

“Fuck,” Mystery whines, tangling his fingers with Panda’s on Brainy’s hip as Panda’s other hand reaches up to tangle in Mystery’s hair. Brainy realizes dimly that means Panda isn’t forcing them to go slow anymore, and while their thrusts are a little stronger with the freedom, it’s still gentle and...loving. 

Brainy hates it. 

He moans as Panda lifts his hips to thrust into him as Mystery pulls out. “S’good,” Brainy slurs without thinking, clinging to Panda as desperate gasps and keens of pleasure slip out of him, arching into the slow thrusts. It feels so good, he’s dizzy with it, rocking his hips so he can grind his clit against Panda with every thrust. He whines when Panda nudges him into lifting his head to kiss him, mouth soft and gently sucking at Brainy’s lower lip. 

He  _ hates  _ this. 

Brainy whimpers as Mystery starts kissing him too, wet presses of his mouth to Brainy’s shoulder and throat. He arches into the attention, making a broken little noise of protest when Panda pulls away. He trembles when Panda uses one hand to grab his face, turning him toward Mystery, who lifts his head from Brainy’s shoulder to kiss him. It’s sloppy and hot, Mystery’s mouth open as he wraps an arm around Brainy’s waist to hold him. Brainy moans and Mystery sticks his tongue in his mouth before pulling back to mumble Brainy’s name, like a plea, like a expletive, like a prayer, over and over, between kisses and helpless, slow thrusts. 

He hates…

Brainy mewls and pushes back into the rocking of their hips, toes curling and back arching as he starts to wander the edge of orgasm. He doesn’t realize after Mystery stops kissing him that he’s started biting his hand hard enough to bleed until Panda tugs at his wrist until he lets go, guiding Brainy’s hand to knot in his hair instead. Without his hand to muffle it, Brainy starts letting out little sobs of sound every time they push into him, filling him, surrounding him, it’s so much, it’s too much, he can’t breathe, he can’t see--

His vision’s blurry with tears, and he smacks his bad hand against his face a couple times to push his goggles off center a little so the moisture can leak out. Panda makes a soft sound underneath him, and Brainy isn’t sure whose hands are holding his hips and whose are petting him, his skin feels like it’s tingling with pins and needles, blood and adrenaline rushing through him, making his head spin and his insides tremble. 

“M’gonna--gonna--!” Brainy chokes, fisting his hand in Panda’s hair as the other presses over his face, trying to hide the stupid expression, muffle the pathetic sounds. He’s wandering that shivering precipice, clenching around them as they fuck him, touching him and kissing him and he can hear his heart in his ears and feel it in his throat and his clit, rubbing, grinding, almost--

Brainy wails as he comes, burying his face in Panda’s chest and tightening helplessly around them, reaching back to drag Mystery inside him as he tries to sink to the base of them. Wave after wave of sensation crashes over him, and he can hear himself sobbing for breath and calling out their names like a clingy, repulsive idiot, but he can’t  _ stop.  _ Mystery swears colorfully against the crook of Brainy’s neck, kissing him and biting at him. 

“Feels good, feels good, fuck, you feel so  _ good _ , Brainy,” Mystery gasps under the hinge of Brainy’s jaw, kissing and sucking hickeys onto his skin without ripping into him with his teeth, and Brainy trembles. Panda moans underneath him, pumping his hips a few times up against Brainy as he shudders. 

Brainy feels Panda come, hot and wet inside him, dripping out around his cock as he keeps grinding up against him. Mystery cries out as Panda twitches against him inside the hot sheath of Brainy’s body and then he’s coming too, and Brainy is sobbing for breath against Panda’s chest as they both come down, grinding against him, letting his body milk them for all they’ve got. 

“F-fuck,” Mystery pants, and Brainy’s neck is definitely wet with tears as Mystery pushes his face into the crook of Brainy’s shoulder. “Fuck.” He keeps rolling his hips even as they soften, arm around Brainy tight enough to make him wheeze, his other hand tangled with Panda’s. Brainy feels numb, a vague sense of vertigo and the after effects of an adrenaline rush making him feel slightly nauseous. Panda pets at Brainy’s side with his free hand, humming under Brainy’s cheek, stroking his shoulder and arm and then his head, gentle and caring. 

_ I hate this,  _ he thinks, but he can’t get the breath to say it, and tilting his head into Panda’s hand quickly undermines the feeling. Panda lets out a pleased sound and strokes Brainy’s hair, fingers rubbing against his scalp. Brainy wants to melt into it, to collapse into a warm, soft heap tangled up with them as Mystery slips free of him and Panda arches his back to pull out. Brainy moans, feeling wet and open and disgusting, every inch of him sore and tacky with fluids, and Panda shushes him gently. 

Brainy looks blearily over his shoulder to see Mystery has fallen back to sit on his ass, t-shirt sticking to his chest with sweat, face open and vulnerable. His eyes meet Brainy’s, and they’re glass-green, wide and wet and bewildered,  _ beautiful,  _ and Brainy hates him. 

“I gotta go,” Brainy tries to mumble, but it comes out slurred and broken, and Panda protests, trying to hold onto him as Brainy tries to slide out of the bed. 

“What?” Mystery sounds confused and hurt, and Brainy tries not to wince when putting his feet on the floor jars his legs and makes his hips  _ scream  _ in protest to his recent activities. 

“I gotta go,” he says again, and it’s edged a little with panic, sharp and waspish, and Brainy smacks Panda’s trailing hands away from him to grab his pants off the floor. He doesn’t immediately see his underwear, he doesn’t care, he just needs to go, to get away before he has time to think about that soft, slow movement of the three of them together, tender and sweet and--

He yanks his pants up and fumbles with the flies, dancing away from Panda as he sits up to try to grab him again, and he snags a shirt off the edge of the bed, he’s not even sure if it’s his as he stumbles out of the bedroom, almost running. His shoes are by the door and he doesn’t even bother to put them on, just snatches them up and he’s out the door, actually running now, along the balcony, down the stairs to the parking lot. His feet sting as he bolts across the wet asphalt and then the dirt leeway between it and the sidewalk, and he’s two blocks down and leaving half-footprints every few steps that aren’t just rainwater before he stops. 

He’s breathing hard, every inch of him is trembling with stress, dripping with sweat and rain, and he reaches up to shove his goggles up a little with one hand, hot tears spilling down his face. He sits on the curb, knowing if they were going to chase him they would have caught up by now, and takes a minute to drag in some ragged breaths. A couple people walk by and give him weird looks for sitting in the rain barefoot, but he just glares and shoves his feet into his shoes, trying not to dissolve back into tears. Once he’s got his shoes back on, unfortunately missing his socks as well, he starts walking down the block, away from Mystery’s apartment, trying to get himself under control. 

He has to hoist his shirt up several inches to get into his pockets, and he realizes he’s wearing what’s probably Mystery’s pajama shirt, going by the size and the fact that it’s not a button-up. And it’s got a stupid Space Adventure logo on the front. Looking more or less exactly as hot of a mess as he really is, Brainy digs through his pockets, relieved that at least in his haste he’d managed to hold onto his wallet and phone. 

Brainy stops at the corner and calls a cab, sitting on the curb again with his arms crossed until it gets there to take him back to his own apartment, where Mystery and Panda can’t find him. 

He definitely doesn’t keep wearing the stupid Space Adventure t-shirt once he gets there. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this rando niche mess im sorry ive done this and you now have to live with it 
> 
> comments are love comments are life but if they're rude please don't bother and i'm not looking for concrit either and if ur wondering if quain is who you think he is.....yeah probably dont judge me anyway 
> 
> lmk if we missed any mistakes i had to write most of this on my phone bc my computer is Dying


End file.
